Thursday, 14 May 2020

BACK IN THE COVID - The Lockdown Diary Day 5

Reports of how much experts were both manipulated and ignored are rife. It seems that our buffoonish PM is clearly out of his depth. His advisers are adept at confusing, lying and browbeating the public into voting for them but not for dealing with issues of extreme national emergency. They will be held accountable for lives lost due to their incompetence. I wonder if he’s buying his stuff on-line. He ought to spend more time indoors and leave governing to people who care about us. Is it me or does he seem to have aged badly in the last month?

I spent some time today thinking about the knotty problem of a bum wiping strategy if the loo role shortage continues for any length of time. I have a couple of ideas.

Here is the first. It is an artist’s mahl stick and bears a remarkable resemblance to similar sticks used by romans at their public ‘conveniences’. I believe they all shared the one stick. I have rejected this idea, sharing it that is, and even in one man use it would get rather crusty and be harder to clean than my anatomy. In any case I only have the one and it is used regularly.

My next idea was to rig up a garden spray head on a short hose. It worked! I tried it out up the garden but it was bloody cold. That idea was quickly jettisoned but I soon remembered that we have a shower right next to our toilet and investigation proved that the shower head would definitely reach as far as the bowl. Bingo! Problem solved.

Daisy turned up with a pack of toilet rolls today so there is no longer any need for alternatives but at least we are ready to improvise a continental upgrade to our hygiene habits should that ever be necessary. When the bathroom is updated shortly we are fitting a bidet for sure.

Batteries for the vacuum cleaner arrived, were installed and the grass had its first trim of the year (with the mower not the vacuum cleaner. Silly!) The sun shone and we gardened and relaxed, gardened and relaxed, drank coffee ate chocolate and relaxed some more and felt quite the holidaymakers.

We did not enjoy just talking to Zack through the porch window rather than cuddling the lovely boy. Mothers day was different but lots of love all round for the special lady that I married and I think she was just as happy with her day today perhaps more so than usual knowing that none of our family have as yet gone down with it.

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